April Fools Reality

Back when I was in college I interned at a newspaper in my college town. One of those independent, free papers, the editor liked to describe the paper as "City Pages without the phone sex ads."

Aside from the occasional straight article, opinion column, and my usual assignment of handling the community calendar, I did a lot of movie reviews for the paper. Back in early 2001, I handled the good (Crouching Tiger), the bad (Tomb Raider) and the incomprehensible (AI).

For the issue on the week of April 1st, my editor and publisher decided that they wanted some bullshit in the paper. Since, you know, April Fool's Day and all. Some of the columnists handed in their fake articles, as did the newsies. We injected a few fakes into the calendar, if I remember right.

And, being the creative soul that I am, I went to town on the movie section. I wrote a full-page article about the upcoming summer blockbuster "Pancho Pierre: Action Hero," and tossed a few little quick hits about upcoming films.

I have clippings laying around somewhere, not here in the office, but one of them was definitely "Cast Away 2: The Return of Wilson," or something like that, featuring Tim Allen as the voice of Wilson. This one also included a picture of Wilson's new family, a bunch of tennis balls with smiley faces on them.

I would dig it up, link it up, but unfortunately they didn't start archiving their articles online until, it appears, December of 2002.

Anyway, another one that I had written actually recieved some positive feedback. Not feedback as in "Wow, that was hilarious," but feedback as in "You know, that's actually a good idea. You cast that thing well."

Now the movie that I had faked in April 2001 is coming close to reality.

They're planning to make a live-action Jetsons movie.

Now, don't get me wrong, as soon as they released the live-action Flintstones movie in 1994, we all knew that the Jetsons would eventually happen. It was just, you know, too easy.

And they've been trying. The article states that they've been trying to get this thing going for 10 years now, and now they're taking another swing with a reputable comedy writer (if you consider a "Revenge of the Nerds" remake as reputable comedy, that is).

If it happens, it has the potential to be hilarious. It also has the potential to be as head-shakingly bad as other cartoon to live action ventures, like Flintstones, Rocky & Bullwinkle, and Scooby Doo. I would also put Josie & The Pussycats on that list if I didn't have friends that would kill me for calling it a bad movie.

Anyway, when I wrote this article back in 2001 I included a cast list. I tried to play it as seriously as possible, and it turned out alright. So I figured I'd re-write it here, or at least re-write as much as I can remember, and also give any updates if I feel they're necessary.

So here I give you The Jetsons Dream Cast:

George Jetson: William H. Macy. Just your typical average typical everyman, trapped in a world gone mad. His only wish is for Jane to stop this crazy thing.

Jane Jetson: Gillian Anderson. Because I couldn't think of a better redhead for the part. I think she'd still work today, but you could always throw in someone like Susan Sarandon if you need em.

Judy Jetson: The first major change. I had originally had Jennifer Love Hewitt in the role. But, you know, 5 years ago and all. Today I'd have to aim for someone like a Michelle Trachtenberg or an Amanda Bynes. Maybe an Alexis Bledel, but she's pushing it for age, too.

Elroy Jetson: Five years ago, Haley Joel Osment. Not anymore, obviously. If you cast today, I'd maybe have to go with Angus T. Jones from Two and a Half Men. More likely it'd be a newcomer, though.

Mr. Spacely: Jeez, is there even a debate? Danny DiVito begins and ends this conversation.

Fine, fine, fine. Want alternatives? Someone taller? Dennis Franz. Jason Alexander. Tom Wilkinson. I'm done arguing this.

Mr. Cogswell: This one's a little tougher. I think I had Robert DeNiro in this role, and I still like him as a front-runner. Failing that, possibly a Philip Seymour Hoffman or Nathan Lane. Or, ooh, Dennis Farina, I like that.

Astro: You can go nuts with the voice of Astro. Since the cartoon version is pretty much Scooby Doo with a different lisp, you can either go with it or throw it out the window completely. It would be a hoot to have an Al Pacino, a John Malkovich, a Kelsey Grammer in this role.

Rosie: Hell, she's already got the name. Rosie O'Donnell IS Rosie the Robot, no question.

So, what do you think? Would this movie suck, or what?