Ramblings of the Single Male

Does anyone want to join the Monorail Society? They build monorails for puppies.

Remember: Mono means One, and Rail means Rail.

On today, the most red of holidays, we celebrate St. Valentine, the patron saint of heart-shaped pizzas and $300 lobster dinners.

A few thoughts, if you will:

- According to the NRF, the average male will spend $135.67 on Valentine's Day gifts, while the average female will spend $68.64. For anyone who questions why men hate this holiday, there's one reason there.

- According to advertisements that overwhelm us, well, constantly, the only way to prove your love for another person is to buy them jewelry. The average diamond ring costs $2000 dollars. That can buy you two refrigerators; a plasma TV set with Tivo; An XBox 360, Playstation 2, Game Cube, Nintendo DS, PSP, and $1200 in games; a used car; season tickets for the Minnesota Wild; a trip to Las Vegas; four hundred shirts, pants, and jackets; a living room set.

Or two month's mortgage.

Or a year's worth of groceries.

Remember, if you don't spend your life's savings on a small rock, you really don't love her.

- Finally, a ponderance: if a man shows affection all through the year, is he still required to go all out today?